What Makes a Child a Parent’s Favorite? Insights from New Research

Although often dismissed as mere perception, parental favoritism is confirmed to be a widespread reality by a recent study published in Psychological Bulletin. This thorough review explores the qualities and factors that lead parents to favor one child, as well as the broader impact this has on family relationships.

Identifying the Favorite: Unveiling Patterns in Parental Preferences

In a meta-analysis spearheaded by Alexander Jensen, PhD, of Brigham Young University, over 30 scholarly works involving nearly 20,000 participants were evaluated. The investigation uncovered consistent trends related to gender, birth order, and personality characteristics:

Daughters tend to receive more care and attention from both mothers and fathers. Defying traditional assumptions that mothers favor daughters and fathers favor sons, this research shows an overall parental preference leaning towards daughters.
Firstborn children often enjoy increased freedom and responsibilities, reflecting parents’ views of them as more mature and dependable compared to their younger siblings.
Personality traits play a significant role: children displaying conscientiousness, agreeableness, and organized behavior are frequently favored because they are perceived as easier to parent.

While these tendencies appear across the data, the researchers note that each family’s dynamics are distinct and not every parent exhibits these patterns. Nevertheless, the study highlights key commonalities in how parental favoritism manifests.

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The Consequences of Favoring One Child Over Others

Known scientifically as parental differential treatment (PDT), favoritism can have enduring effects on children’s emotional health and family relationships. The findings indicate that favoritism usually arises unintentionally through everyday parent-child interactions. Children with agreeable or mature traits naturally receive more positive feedback, sometimes to the detriment of their siblings.

The ramifications include:

Favored children tend to benefit from higher self-worth, better mental health, and stronger social bonds. The security and encouragement they receive often lead to success in academic and interpersonal areas.
Less favored siblings face increased risks for low self-esteem, academic difficulties, and problematic relationships. They may develop resentment toward parents and siblings, which can strain family cohesion.

Psychologist Joseph Laino, PsyD, remarks that favored children often possess qualities like agreeableness and conscientiousness that create emotional rapport with parents. Their ability to adapt and please reinforces parental confidence, potentially perpetuating the pattern of favoritism.

Encouraging Equitable Treatment: Strategies for Parents

Experts suggest that parents actively work to identify and curb favoritism to minimize its harmful effects. MK Clarkin, LCSW, recommends parents watch for warning signs, including:

Behavioral challenges: Unfavored children may act out to attract parental attention.
Sibling hostility: Friction among siblings can signal perceived unequal treatment.
Requests for individual time: Children feeling neglected often seek more one-on-one interaction with parents.

Fostering Fairness: Building Stronger Family Bonds

Though parental favoritism might seem trivial at first, its consequences can affect children long-term, shaping their self-esteem, social interactions, and wellbeing. Dr. Jensen hopes this research raises awareness among parents and encourages them to reflect on their parenting methods.

The outlook is hopeful: by practicing mindfulness, open communication, and intentional parenting, families can nurture fairness and strengthen connections, ensuring every child feels valued and secure.